My ideas of literacy have changed substantially, mirroring changes in my own academic life as I sort of "began anew" this semester.
As I may have mentioned previously, I was a music major for a Really Long Time. I was about three classes away from completing my degree (well, kind of) after switching voice professors, transferring from University of Wisconsin - Green Bay, and switching (at long last) from voice performance to musical theatre to music education to a plain ol' BA in voice... when I realized it wasn't what I was meant to do.
A few days ago I met with the English department chair to work on declaring a new major. He legitimately thought I was crazy for wanting to switch, but believed that I'd thought about it long and hard enough to be completely sure it was a change I needed to make. The truth is, what really drove me to receive three F's last fall semester was a long-standing culmination of teachers not really "getting it" - "it" being literacy. It wasn't necessarily on my behalf; I was competent enough (and rather more than competent) to get by in classes with little to no extra encouragement. Teachers were then able to focus their energies (if they so desired) on the development of other students who may have struggled more than I.
As a result, I never learned how to be a good student. Because I was constantly able to cruise along on the surface, turning out what was my minimum amount of effort, and still be recognized as the "top of the class", I became arrogant in my own abilities. This started primarily in elementary school, when i recognized that I was naturally doing well what all the other students struggled to do. I struggled a few times in middle school, but the teachers of those classes recognized my strengths, and allowed me to make up for a semester's worth of slacking off by completing one big assignment. I came out with A's, and nobody ever knew the difference (could I tell you anything at all about The Crucible, or A Tale of Two Cities, or The Color Purple, or any of those other literary works we read? Nope. Didn't really read 'em). Still, I received praise on everything I did, even those things that I turned out at the last second, without doing any work at all.
In college, coming into music studies, I had even more of an advantage. I didn't really take any Gen. Ed. classes, and tended to immediately drop those I did sign up for in favor of some applied music class. My advantage? I played piano proficiently (nobody else knew how) and I had perfect pitch (nobody else did). As a result, I was able to entirely skip some courses that all the other freshmen were required to take; I was singled out as a favorite early on in all of my vocal ensembles, and every professor was begging to hand me scholarships. Keep in mind that this is UWGB, which has no arts school and little music program to speak of. There were some reasonably talented people around, but most had to spend hours practicing to get there, whereas I was able to walk into my voice lessons every week and sightread a piece on the spot.
What I denied at the time, and what I realize now, is that in music, and in academics, I never really learned anything. Saving all my stuff for the last minute enabled me to get a good grade, and give a good impression, but I never retained any of the stuff I spewed out in either medium. I put out some great performances, and wrote some great papers, and scored really high on some Calculus tests, but I couldn't get into the finer points of any of those items with you now. The only things I ever really retained were the things taught me by people I respected, and people who respected me. Those people were few and far between.
ANYWAY, (can you tell Sarah influenced me here??!!) coming into this semester, I had a bright new outlook. I pretty much took a semester off, and centered myself again. I got out of music (music education can be so toxic) and got away from all the extra distractions inherent to that field - ego playing a LARGE role here - and figured out what it was I would actually like to study. Music is my favorite pastime, and I had a good four years learning its finer points (though I don't remember them now), but I realized that I cannot take music seriously as a form of study. It's unfortunate because it was the one thing I was truly passionate about for a great number of years. However, music and academics truly do not mix, and it took almost a full education for me to realize that.
Realizing that I would like to study English (my second favorite subject in school, but more challenging than music which was just fun) opened a lot of doors for me this semester. I was able to consider myself as a writer and as an academic again, not just as a moderately talented person with little chance of succeeding in a career. This class in particular has really helped me focus my notions of academic learning. Although I wouldn't necessarily like to pursue a field of study that this class presents, it's helped me so far to broaden my perception of how I approach my studies here.
I've correctly identified myself as a bullshitter - as Dr. O. pointed out to me, I use much clearer syntax in my writing on the blog and in posts than I do in my essays - and I am taking steps to figure out when this is occurring, so i can find more of a personal identity (both in my writing and in my life). I've also started to expand my perception of other students in my classes. When I see someone not exactly pulling their weight, I won't automatically assume that s/he is a slacker or is less intelligent or what not. That person just might not yet be fully literate in the discourse being used, or has special circumstances, and needs to be approached in a different way.
To make a (long, long) story short, my perception of literacy and education has changed drastically over the course of this semester, and in my final paper I hope to explore this with more coherency and other things to back it up. I always used to think of my case as exceptional, and I think this class has brought about a sense of humility that's taught me that my case is completely typical. Which, for me, is a good thing.
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